Nancy Holte

Encouraging women to grab hold of God's plan for their lives

My Everyday Life

I Need to Do Better

I’ve been thinking for a couple of weeks about what to write here. To be honest, I’m speechless over what happened to George Floyd. But even before George Floyd, and all of the other black lives that have been wrongly taken, we had a big problem in America with racism. We’ve had a racism issue for far too long. And, as many have said, we need to do better. I need to do better, that’s why I’m saying anything at all. Here’s the thing though, I don’t want to say the wrong thing, adding fuel to the already blazing fire. I want my words to express love, offer hope, and encourage unity.

Clearly, I need to learn more. 

The other day, I listened to a black woman recount a story about an incident she experienced in 2016. She’s a mildly famous person and by that, I mean she’s been on several podcasts, and even Dr. Oz, but I don’t know who she is. (I just randomly came across her story on You Tube. I really wish I could tell you her name.) When she was in New York to be a guest on Dr. Oz she was put up in a very nice hotel. On her first morning there, while she was taking the elevator down to the first floor, it stopped, and a young white couple entered the car. She said hello, they responded and went on to have a conversation until the elevator stopped at another floor and a white 40-something man got on. She greeted him and he returned the greeting. At the next stop, an older white couple got on but when she greeted them neither acknowledged her greeting. But, as she said, that happens sometimes. When the elevator stopped at the ground floor the older gentleman said, “ladies first.” His wife got off, the young woman got off and then she went to exit the elevator. The older gentleman put his umbrella up in front of her and exclaimed, “I said ladies first!” He then proceeded to allow the other two men off, he exited, and then she got off. But no one commented on the man’s actions! And, I have to admit, I might not have said anything either—because people like that old man scare me, and I don’t like confrontations. So maybe that’s what happened with the two younger gentlemen. Truthfully, it would never have occurred to me that this kind of behavior still happens in the 21st century! But now that I know, I have a decision to make. 

That kind of behavior has to stop. Sometimes it’s important to make those decisions BEFORE you’re in the uncomfortable situation so when it happens, you’re ready with your response. You don’t have to get in a fight with the racist man, you can simply say, “That’s an unacceptable way to treat another human being, and then offer sympathy to the person he’s offended. Will it be uncomfortable? Probably. Could it put you in harm’s way? Perhaps. But it’s time we stop looking away from racist’s actions. 

Why did I share this “unknown to me” woman’s story? Because, like I said, I can’t believe this is still happening in the 21st century. I really can’t believe it ever happened! How can anyone possibly think it’s o.k. to treat someone who isn’t the same as them as though they don’t matter? Until we can understand what is happening EVERY DAY to people of color, we can’t address it. 

I listened to Beth Moore last week talk with a member of her team, Natalie Mott, about how important it is to educate ourselves in regard to racial issues in America. Natalie mentioned something that I thought was interesting. She said while educating yourself, go slow. As a black woman she has been living with the racism for years, but if, as a white person, we try to assimilate everything the black community has dealt with for the entirety of their lives, in a few short weeks, we will be overwhelmed. And though we might need to be overwhelmed, we might be better informed if we take things slow. 

Beth and Natalie offered a couple of books they thought would be a good place to start and I’m passing their ideas along to you. I’ve not yet read either one, but I intend to. The first recommendation is Be the Bridge by Latasha Morrison and the other is The Color of Compromise by Jemar Tisby and Lecrae Moore. 

It’s time to start educating ourselves so we can be part of the change. Read the books, have the uncomfortable conversations, watch the movies, and listen to the podcasts. “Take it slow” does not mean put it off. Take a step, because it’s time we do better. It’s time I do better. 

Covid Care

Covid Care      

Is it just me, or did this whole Covid crisis just blow up overnight? One minute I was supposed to be preparing for insolation and 20 seconds later, I was told to hunker down in my house before I even had time to figure out what I was supposed to do to prepare. Personally, I’m the kind of person who just can’t quite figure out how to put a grocery list together for a week’s worth of groceries. How was I supposed to dream up a list for enough supplies to last me for 14 days? By the time I put together a list of groceries that might be helpful the store was out of the items I wanted. It’s just a good thing we have PLENTY of leftover cake from my husband’s retirement party. If two people can live on cake alone, we’re good for at least a month or two.

Since preparation time is over, I’ve moved onto thinking up ways I can minister to other people during this time. I’ve found that focusing on helping others keeps me from focusing on myself and my petty little problems. And really, this is the time when Christians have the opportunity to shine the light of Jesus into the world.

A few of these ideas are my own; most of them I’ve gleaned from other sources:

  1. Text (or call) a few friends every day to check on how they are doing.
  2. Send a card to someone who might need some encouragement. I mean, deep down, who doesn’t love to open their mailbox and find something other than bills? I know I do (in case you’re trying to come up with someone).
  3. Post an encouraging message on social media. I know there are some people who don’t think we should post funny things about our confinement, but seriously, that is one of the things that is getting me through right now. Jesus and laughter.
  4. Make masks to give to area hospitals. Here’s a link for more information on how to make them.
  5. Share your toilet paper with someone who needs it.
  6. If you’ve got the groceries (or can get them) prepare a few freezer meals to have ready for a neighbor or friend who currently is or might become sick.
  7. Donate food to your local food shelf. There will be a greater need as more and more people are out of work.
  8. If you know of a friend who is out of work, and if you can afford to help, order groceries to drop off at their doorstep.
  9. Check in on your neighbor. I’ve already had a few neighbors check in with me and one, who stepped outside her door with her daughter to wave when she saw me sitting on the couch near the window. It made my day!
  10. Again, if you can afford it, purchase gift cards from area restaurants and/or small businesses, especially the ones that are closed. It will give them an immediate infusion of cash to help them survive until they are allowed to reopen. You can then give the cards away or use them yourself.
  11. Send a care package to the young children in your life (or to children of single parents). I ordered some craft projects from Amazon to send to my grandkids, who are going a little stir crazy, and had them sent directly to them. They were so excited when they came in the mail. And, their mom was pretty happy, too.
  12. Make an extra effort to check in with widows, single moms, and other friends who are living alone. Isolation gets old, even for introverts.
  13. Offer to pick up groceries for your elderly neighbors. I’m currently not going into grocery stores but instead ordering online and picking them up. You can do the same for your neighbor or friends.
  14. Pray for people who are at risk. Sure, there are people at a higher risk of getting the coronavirus, but there are also kids who are now stuck in homes that aren’t always safe, with parents whose stress levels are greatly increased (it’s not a good combination). There are also women (and probably men) who have abusive spouses and are now stuck together and stressed 24 hours a day. Pray for the safety of these people. Never underestimate the power of your prayers!
  15. Hang a little surprise gift on your neighbor’s door along with a note of encouragement.

I’m sure there are a million more things you could do. Please share some of your ideas in the comment section so we can all use them.

Please stay safe and remember, things WILL go back to normal!  

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Proverbs 12:25

The Year in Pictures

A few years ago I started using my last blog post of the year as a compilation of some of my favorite pictures or moments of the year. And, why mess with a good tradition? Here are a few from 2019 that pretty much sum of the year.

In January my longtime friend, Janet (notice how I didn’t say oldest friend?) and I met in Texas to visit Waco. We had so much fun and it turns out we still get along after all these years. We enjoyed shopping, sightseeing, tasting one (or two) of Joanna Gaines’ amazing cupcakes, and all that Magnolia has to offer.

In February our fifth grandchild, Marian Rose (Mari) was born! She was named after my mom and born just five days after my mom’s 92nd birthday. Isn’t she precious?

Though our grandson Charlie’s birthday isn’t actually until April, we celebrated with him in the end of March. He had asked for a signed baseball for his birthday though he didn’t really care who signed it. But, I managed to get a signature from Caleb Thielbar, who pitched for the Minnesota Twins in 2013. (My chiropractor happens to be good friends with Caleb.) I love the look on Charlie’s face when he sees the baseball.

In April we celebrated Easter in shorts, which you can’t really appreciate unless you live in Minnesota and realize how rare it is.

Also in May, Paul turned 40! When did I get old enough to be the mother of a 40 year old? It’s kind of scary!

May took me out to California again, but before I left I had just enough time to stop by Anders’ preschool for his final program. I think preschool programs are about the best entertainment on the planet and nearly missed this one due to car trouble. (You could call in car trouble, or you could call it “operator error”. Either way, it wouldn’t budge). But, I made it in time to see him perform. I love how you never really know what will happen at a preschool program. It’s anyone’s guess and can get quite hysterical. Anders is the cute one in the orange plaid shirt with his hands up in the air. He’s on the left side of most of the kids. It’s true that all of the kids are cute, but I’m kind of partial to the strawberry blonde boy with the big smile.

After the program, the kids all got to dance with their parents. Just look at the joy in his face!

In June, I again traveled to California to be with my mom, My sister-in-law, Betsy drove over from the Sacramento area to spend a few days with us. It was obvious at that point that we weren’t going to have many more visits with mom though she was still doing well enough to get out occasionally. One night we went out to dinner and before we left I asked Betsy to take a picture of the two of us. I knew if I waited until we got there I would start to cry and/or forget. Thankfully, she’s younger than I am (so she doesn’t struggle with her memory as much) and at the end of dinner said , “Why don’t I get a picture of the two of you?” While this isn’t the very last picture I have of myself with my mom, it’s the last good one. I’m so glad I asked Betsy to take it. I’m only sorry I didn’t think to get one of the three of us together.

In July, John and I had Amelia and Anders for a few days over the 4th of July while Paul and Erin were on a mission trip to Russia. The other kids came home and I thought it would be so fun to get a picture of the four older kids sitting on the curb waiting for the 4th of July parade. As you can see, that is easier said than done because, “Nana! The sun is so bright!” Oh well, all pictures can’t be perfect, right?

August was the month when Mom joined Dad in heaven and my whole family was in California for the Celebration of her Life. I saw nephews and a niece I hadn’t see for a long time. It was great to be together in spite of the circumstances.

Two weeks after returning home from California our family got together at a cabin in northern Minnesota. We had a great time swimming, fishing, eating, horseback riding (yes, even us old folks), playing together, and making lots of memories. And yet again, had a little trouble getting everyone to look in the same general direction for the picture. Ha!

Charlie and Jane had been scheduled to get baptized in the end of July but that is when I had to leave town to go be with mom during her final days so the baptism got rescheduled to September. Unfortunately, it was unseasonably cold (low 50’s – payback for the early spring, no doubt) but they didn’t complain as they plunged into the frigid river. We are so thrilled at their decision to follow Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

In October my friend Janet drove up from southern California to meet me at my mom’s house (it had yet to be sold) in Monterey. It was beautiful and warm and nice to visit some places in the area I hadn’t had a chance to see for awhile. There wasn’t one good picture of the two of us but this one is from a hike we took at Point Lobos State Park. The Monterey Bay area of California is always gorgeous, rain or shine. It’s just much more enjoyable on the shiny days.


Our November picture is from Thanksgiving. Since this blog is heavy on grandchildren pictures I chose this one from the “adult table” for our picture of the month. It’s not that we don’t want the kids to eat with us, it’s just that the table isn’t big enough. Judging by the giggles we hear from the kitchen while we’re eating, the kids don’t mind having a minute to themselves without their parents telling them not to eat with their fingers.

I have about 44,000 Christmas pictures but I’ll spare you yet another cute kid photo. Instead, I’ll share one my neighbor took at what has turned into our annual neighborhood Christmas party. Our neighbors range in age from a month to about 85 so we don’t really see each other often. I enjoy hosting a party at our house so people can get to know each other. Everyone brings an appetizer to share and it’s always a fun (and yummy) time.

That’s a wrap on 2019. What a blessing it is to spend time with family and friends. As you can see there were happy days and sad days this year (isn’t that always how it is?), but we count each day and every friend and family member a gift.

Now, bring on 2020 and all that it has in store for us. It’s going to be an epic year, I just know it.

The whale tail at the top of this blog was taken on the day we spread my mother’s ashes at sea.

What Makes a Veteran?

As you are no doubt aware, today is Veteran’s Day. Yesterday at church our pastor asked every veteran in attendance to please stand to be honored for their service. We do this at our church on every holiday designed to honor those who have served their country. And every time John stands up but does so with a bit of hesitation. John served in the Navy as an optometrist after graduating from his doctorate program. The U.S. Navy funded the last two years of his education in exchange for two years of his service.

You have to know that John LOVES being an optometrist. So, doing eye exams all day, every weekday for two years didn’t feel like a sacrifice to him. He met some interesting people, got to work doing a job that he loves, and got paid for it. We are both well aware that when he stands alongside the other veterans in the crowd, that some of them are veterans of foreign war and he is not. So, he feels a little funny about standing up for applause and honor for doing something he actually enjoys.

But yesterday, when he stood up, I realized something. Wars are not just won on the battlefield; every person who makes it easier for another service man or woman to do their job is actually aiding in the protection of our country. I mean you can’t send a soldier into combat if he can’t see where to point his weapon, right? That would just be dangerous.

What made me think of this is that on Saturday night we were at a banquet for some missionaries we support. And while, our financial support doesn’t completely fund their mission, without it, and without the support of others like us, they wouldn’t be able to go to the mission field at all. It’s no different than what military optometrists, dentists, office workers, etc. are doing; allowing others to do the job to which they’ve been called.

There is a story in 1 Samuel 30 that talks about this very thing. David and his men had been out of town for a few days. (Read 1 Samuel 26-29 for the the back story.) When they returned to their city they found that the Amalekites had snuck in while they were gone and stolen their possesions, as well as their wives and children. They wept until they were exhausted, then David prayed, and after getting confimation from the Lord, they set off to recover their families and their possessions.

On their way to fight the Amalekites, 200 of the men were too exhausted to travel on. So, they stayed where the were while the rest of the men cotinued on with their quest. Fast forward to their triumphant return when those who had fought in the battle with the Amalekites didn’t want to share their plunder with the men who had stayed behind. In verse 24 David responds to their selfishness with, “Who will listen to what you say? The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike.”

What I take from this story is that when we support missionaries, we share in the blessing of their work. The people who are saved in foreign lands by missionaries we support may never know our names, but God will know, and God will reward us accordingly.

In the same way, the service men and women who do jobs that don’t involve going into battle, still deserve honor for their part in keeping our country free.

So today I say thank you, to every person who serves our country, be it in battle, in a clinic, or in an office. Thank you for serving. Thank you for being a veteran. I honor you today.

Cover photo by Jim Stapleton on Unsplash

My Mom

I’ve been a little silent on the blog here lately. If you know me, you probably know that my mom died on August 3. Over the past several months I’ve traveled out to California several times to be with her, knowing that every time could be the last. Thus, I just haven’t been in the mood to do a lot of writing.

Grief is a funny thing. If you’ve lost someone you know that you can be perfectly fine one minute, and a total mess the next. But, I’m grateful for the time I was able to spend with her and even in these few short weeks I’ve found myself thinking, “Oh, I should call mom and tell her this story about the grandkids. She’ll find it funny.” Now, whom do I tell them to? Surely there’s someone who wants to hear my funny stories. If you’d like to volunteer for the position of funny story listener, let me know.

This week I got the sweetest card from one of my mom’s friends. She told me about how when she had just joined the golf club my mom and dad belonged to, my mom made sure to include her in whatever was going on so she could get to know people.  She’s not the only one who has told me how my mom helped them get to acquainted and I think it tells you a lot about my mom. She never wanted people to feel left out. I hope I can emulate that trait.

Mom taught me quite a few things actually. She had an indomitable spirit. When life knocked her down, as it did several times, she’d get right back up again. Her sister died when she was just four years old. This made her an only child so my grandparents basically took her wherever they went. My mom told me multiple times about how my grandparents would take her with them to parties and when her parents wanted to leave they’d say, “Marian’s tired, we have to go home.” She’d chime in with, “I’m not tired!” (I’m sure that won her all kinds of points with her father.)

My mom lost her mom just days after she got married. Maybe that’s when she developed her indomitable spirit, because shortly thereafter she picked up and moved with my dad from Kansas City to Los Angeles. Having made a cross country move with my husband I can tell you it’s not easy and I imagine it would be doubly difficult if you didn’t have a mom to call and complain to.

Mom got breast cancer in her 60’s and worked hard at regaining her strength and moving forward. Then she had her knees replaced (one in her 60’s and one in her 80’s). Neither time was fun, but she worked hard at physical therapy and was soon back out on the golf course. She also fell several times in her 80’s and again last fall. Her physical therapist would laugh at how much spunk she had and was amazed at how she’d work to get better. He tried to talk her into a different walker but she wouldn’t hear of it. She liked the one she had and she wasn’t going to change now, thank you very much!

Like I said, my mom never let life’s hard knocks keep her down. It wasn’t even a question.

Mom was also great at games. She played bridge, Mahjong, hand and foot, and Rummikub, usually for money, which she usually won. There is still a bowl of change in her kitchen cupboard that was just a small portion of her winnings. Even my brothers and I could hardly ever beat her. 

I was able to be with my mom during her last few days on earth. I’ve never seen someone so happy to be dying. When my brother told her she’d be seeing Dad and Jesus soon she said, “Yeah, that’ll be fun.”

Though I miss my mom terribly, I’m so happy for her. She can walk again, and isn’t in anymore pain. Why would I want to deny her of that perfect joy? I’d just like one more chance to beat her at Rummikub—and tell her thanks for being my mom.

12 Life Lessons That Will Change Your Life

I first met my friend, Delores when we moved to Minnesota 42 years ago. Although she was older than I am, she was always an encouraging, caring, and funny friend. In April of this year, Delores passed from this life to the next. At her funeral one of her family members read 12 Life Lessons that Delores had penned before she died. I asked permission to share them with you here on my blog because I thought Delores’ wisdom shouldn’t be wasted.

12 Lessons Learned from Delores Anderson Engen

  1. One person saying, “You made my day,” well that makes my day!.    
  2. Being kind is more important than being right.
  3. You can always pray for someone when you don’t have the strength to help them in any other way.
  4. I am glad God didn’t give us everything we ask for.
  5. Money doesn’t buy class.
  6. The Lord didn’t do it all in one day, why should I think I can?
  7. An easy way to grow as a person is to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you.
  8. Everyone deserves to be greeted with a smile.
  9. Opportunities are never lost.  Someone else will take the ones you miss.
  10. One should keep their words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
  11. I can’t choose how I feel but I can choose what I do about it.
  12. When your newly born grandchild takes ahold of your finger you are hooked for life.

I could probably write an entire blog on each of these subjects but instead, I’m just going to uncharacteristically keep my mouth shut and let you digest them on your own for now.

Thank you, Delores, for leaving behind a legacy of wisdom, encouragement, and love.

Cover photo by Gaetano Cessati on Unsplash