Am I a Liar?

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you probably know that at this current moment my husband is in the middle of a stem cell transplant. Actually, as I write this we’re in the midst of the hardest days (or so we’re told.) To be honest, it’s not been nearly as horrible as it could be, but it hasn’t been a cakewalk either. (Does anyone even know what a cakewalk is anymore?)

The other day, though, I posted something on Facebook that a friend commented on and her comment made me feel a little bit like a liar. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it was a somewhat humorous remark about something that was happening at the moment. Basically, it was a “glass half-full” kind of comment in the midst of a “glass half-empty” kind of day. My friend commented on how she appreciated the fact that I always seem to find the positive in everything. My response to her was, “That’s because I don’t post anything when I’m in the midst of a breakdown.” And, if I remember correctly, a breakdown had just occurred moments before I wrote my response. In fact, the breakdown had happened right in front of John’s doctor (a beaming moment to be sure).

So here’s the deal. We all go through hard times, but we get to choose how we live them out publicly and privately. The truth is I have cried a bucket load of tears this week. This is hard, it’s scary, and I want nothing more than to live in my own house while we’re walking through this journey. But, that isn’t an option. So, I can sit and wallow in self-pity or I can choose to look for the positive, and yes, the humorous in every situation that presents itself. Does it make me a liar then, if I only post the positive stuff on Facebook? Maybe. But I’d rather make it a point to find the funny than be a negative Nellie. Because the funny is what Jesus gives us to get us through the valleys. Proverbs 17:12 says, “A merry heart does good like medicine. But a broken spirit dries up the bones.” We’ve already got one person in this family with bone issues we don’t need two! So today, I choose that which does me the most good – all the funny I can absorb. I seek it out.

God isn’t opposed to our tears. Even Jesus wept. But, a pity party is no place to camp out. The Israelites did that and they ended up spending 40 years wandering around in the wilderness. And personally, I’m not so fond of wilderness experiences. And maybe you haven’t noticed but there’s no mention of chocolate in the wilderness either. Nasty spot the wilderness.

There is so much to be grateful for today. John is doing as well or better than expected, we’ve had an abundance of delicious food delivered to us, God is incredibly faithful, and there’s plenty of chocolate around. And really, there is some hysterical stuff going on around here. If only there was a bona fide cakewalk.